


I'm Semi-Automatic

by Celebrate_the_irony



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Deadpool is overdramatic, Established Relationship, M/M, Peter fumbles like he's never fumbled before, The First Fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:09:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6021523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celebrate_the_irony/pseuds/Celebrate_the_irony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter kept telling himself that Wade was a special case and normal relationship rules didn’t apply to him. For example, Wade had referred to himself as Mrs. Peter Parker multiple times with a dead serious expression when Peter had to go to the hospital that one time when they just started dating.</p><p>Or Peter and Wade have their First Fight (TM)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Semi-Automatic

**Author's Note:**

> After reading Spideypool fanfic non stop for the past couple of days (thank you movie for reigniting that passion) I thought I'd contribute. Idk if it's any good I haven't written these characters before but I think I did them justice. Enjoy!

Wade never said I love you first, this shouldn't be as big of a deal to Peter as it was. Peter, at first, thought he was over-thinking it, that he was just being paranoid. But after six months of dating he never heard it from Wade. Peter would say “I love you” and he’d get a startled look in return along with a spluttered out “do you?”

Peter kept telling himself that Wade was a special case and normal relationship rules didn't apply to him. For example, Wade had referred to himself as Mrs. Peter Parker multiple times with a dead serious expression when Peter had to go to the hospital that one time when they just started dating. Or when Wade met Mary Jane for the first time and Peter spent the next four days convincing Wade that yes he was certain he would rather date Wade then “a red-headed smarter nicer version of Torrance the fucking Cheerio” whatever that meant.

At any rate, Wade was a strange person to date and Peter loved every second of it. And he had no doubts Wade loved it too, he just didn't want to say it first. He was going in circles about this, it really shouldn’t bother him but it did. He loved how this relationship made him feel needed, it gave him a purpose. He needed to be home alive and in one piece or Wade might accidentally blow up the oven for the second time that week because it’s a gas and Wade doesn't understand how to turn it on. But there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that just said he takes you for granted and, no matter how much Peter tells this voice that isn’t even close to true, it’s getting louder and louder.

Peter recently didn’t say I love you to Wade for a week just to see what would happen, if Wade would cave and say it first. Not only did Wade not say it but he didn’t even notice. So Peter stretched it out to two weeks, which was killing him a little because Peter is a very affectionate person. He’s the type to say I love you when Wade hands him his toothbrush in the morning. He was sure Wade must have noticed he wasn’t saying it by now, but, of fucking course, instead of Wade taking initiative and saying it first he just now gives Peter these sad looks when he thinks Peter isn’t looking. It was now killing Peter a lot.

But, to be honest, he never expected it to get this far out of hand. Peter turned over in bed one night in the middle of their stalemate, only to see that there was an empty spot where Wade usually was. He got out of bed and went to the living room of their tiny apartment to confirm the worst. He was gone. A million thoughts were racing through his head, but one thought was come in loud and clear. When he found him, and it was when not if because Wade only hangs out at like four places in New York, he was going to wring his neck for being such an idiot. He then realised Wade would probably enjoy having his neck wrung and made a note to think of another strategy while he got changed out of his pyjamas.

* * *

It scared Peter how well he knew Wade, he found him first try. He was sitting on the ledge of the rooftop they first met, which for Peter was a bitch to get up to without using his powers. Wade had a Spice Girls duffel bag next to him that Peter didn’t know he owned and a breakfast burrito in his hands. He was also loudly singing off-key to himself despite the fact it was 3 in the morning last time Peter checked.

“You’re living in America, at the end of the millennium. You’re living in America, leave your conscious at the tone.” Of course it was Rent, Peter would bet a lot of money Wade saw himself as Rodger. Which entertained the possibility that Wade thought of Peter as Mimi and that will not do at all. “And when you’re living in America at the end of the millennium, you’re what you own. The film maker cannot see.”

“And the songwriter cannot hear.” Peter sung over the top of him making Wade nearly fall off of the damn ledge. Wade stared at Peter for a second, his expression indecipherable, before turning back to where he was and continued singing.  

“But I see Petey everywhere.”

“Oh come on, that’s not fair your name doesn’t fit,” Peter protested. He could see Wade shake his head, the disappointment radiated off him.

“I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”

“Same here.” Peter replied. Wade caught on to what he was saying but he still attempted the ol’ tried and true diversion tactic.

“It’s ok Petey, you don’t develop song writing skills overnight. Just ask Paris Hilton.” Wade said cheerfully.

“You like Stars Are Blind.” Peter said dismissively. Suddenly Wade had his gloved finger pressed against Peter’s lips. Peter had long since given up questioning Wade’s almost cartoonish abilities.

“That is on a need to know basis.”

“I guess why you left is also on a need to know basis.” Peter said taking Wade’s hand and moving it away from his mouth. Wade faltered for a moment.

“Yep totally classified, I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you. And it would be a shame to rid the world of an ass that fine.” Wade babbled, Peter knew he was getting desperate now.

“Wade.”   

“Peter.” Wade replied, it was like Wade was willing Peter not to have this conversation.

“Come home.” Peter said.

“I can’t.” Wade said.

“Why?”

“You’ve realised you can do better.” Wade said simply, there was no emotion in his voice for once. Peter was shocked into silence by this. “I’ve been in enough failed relationships to know the signs, you’ve realised you don’t want to be stuck with all of this for the rest of your life.”

“Wade.” Peter tried to interrupt him but Wade kept on going.

“No it’s ok, I know how it goes. The humour and the sex makes you want to stay for a while but then you realise that the whole cuckoo’s nest is a lot deeper than a few jokes and quirks.”

“Wade.” Peter tried again to no avail.

“Look, its fine I’m used to it, there’s no need to feel guilty. It’s a basic human reaction to me, I free you of your guilt.” Wade then moved his hands in front of Peter in a cross motion as though he was blessing him, Wade clearly didn’t understand how religion worked.

“Wade for fuck’s sake.” Peter tried for a third time much more successfully as he pushed Wade’s hands away. “You can’t just decide that I’ve given up on you for me. Where did you even get that idea from in the first place?”

“You don’t say I love you anymore.” Wade said, Peter could see he was trying to put on a brave face but he couldn’t stop the sadness in his voice. Peter suddenly felt incredibly guilty to a point where he couldn’t look at Wade. “Yeah see, I was right wasn’t I?” Wade said scathingly.

“No, you’re not right at all. I was just… ok well in my defence this plan sounded far better in my head then on paper.” Peter said. Wade looked confused so Peter carried on. “You never say I love you, like never ever. So I thought if I stopped saying it you might. I was only going to do it for a week but then you acted like you didn’t notice so I thought I’d do it longer except it didn’t work out quite the way I wanted it to.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Peter agreed. “So I guess my question to you is why don’t you ever say it?” Wade was silent, which is not something Peter ever thought he’d live to see. “I know it shouldn’t bother me like it does and I know you got your issues but I just thought,”

“I don’t say I love you, like never ever because I don’t get the chance to. I know I know ‘But Wade you’re such a catch you must have hordes of men and women lining up at your door.’” Wade suddenly put on a thick Long Island accent for no apparent reason.

“I don’t think I’ve ever thought that.” Peter quipped.

“Ouch. You wound me Parker” Wade said almost genuinely before continuing. “The amount of times I have said it I could count on one hand and the people I said it to died or left not long after. So forgive me if I’m more than a bit cautious saying it.”

“But I’m not leaving or dying anytime soon.” Peter said.

“You can’t know that.”

“Look, you’re not the only one who’s lost people.”

“But you don’t have long gaps in between people,”

“It’s not a competition,” Peter said rolling his eyes.

“If it was I’d have won, twice.” Wade put his hand up in a peace sign to further his point. Peter ignored him for the sake of his sanity.

“So if you don’t say it, does that mean you don’t feel it?” Peter asked. There was silence for a minute as Wade thought of how to put it. He finally shook his head.

“You are too much for me Petey, you son of a whore son bitch! I wish I knew how to quit you.”

“Brokeback Mountain, really?” Peter raised an eyebrow.

“Look it was either that or Stan’s confession to Dorothy in the finale. And I know you’d rather be Heath Ledger than Bea Arthur.” Wade said briskly in his own defence. Peter couldn’t help but smile.

“Well thank you for thinking of me.”

“I can’t help it, even the boxes are crazy about you.” Wade said not even acknowledging the pun he made.

“I’m crazy about them too.” Peter said before closing the gap between them and placing his arms on Wade’s shoulders. “Do you wanna go home so I can take your mask off with my tongue?”

“Why do we need to go home for that?”

“What kind of girl do you take me for Mr Wilson?” Peter said as he started to roll up Wade’s mask.

“The kind that once sucked me off at their Aunt May’s-“ Wade smirked but was quickly cut off by Peter kissing him so forcefully he nearly fell over backwards.

As far as First Fights go, this one went fairly well. Peter hoped that all their fights ended up like this and knowing Wade it was a definite possibility that they would. Actually it was a definite that they would, Peter would make sure of it.  


End file.
